Category: Singles Spit Swap
I know that the title of this fred may cause different reactions for different people, but even if it helps me to gane one more friend, I would be greatful and happy for that. Some may know a bit about me, but for those that don't, here is a bit about myself. I am a 32-year old blind lady from Macedonia, working as a teacher of English in a school for blind children. This is my fifth year working there and I absolutely love it. I try to help my students and be there for them even outside classes. I am happy to make them learn and influence them positively in any way possible. Outside work, I try to live as normally as most people live. I like to spend time with family and friends, do volunteer work, read books and magazines, listen to music and take walks and relax in my free time. I am generally happy with myself and what I have accomplished and I am a pretty positive person, I think, so if you would like to email me back, feel free to do so. I am always happy to make new friends and I still haven't met Mr. Right, but I would be happy to embrace such a possibility as well, if I ever get it. My chances of finding a special guy in my country are pretty slim and I would be happy to discuss and elaborate more on that with people who may care to find out why that is. I am sure everyone has different hiden or given reasons when they write to someone like myself, but I would only accept friends that are free of drama, psychological issues and addiction issues. The same goes for anyone who may want to write for wanting to try and establish a closer friendship and something more. For that, I can only accept a straight guy ages 32 to 42, who is educated, funny and outgoing, with good communication skills, in good health and free of substance addiction, psychological problems and similar negative characteristics. If you think this would make you want to email me or if you know others you think would be happy to communicate with me, feel free to forward this information to them and contact me yourself. My email address is:
adrijana.prokopenko@gmail.com
And please, don't post any harsh messages of judgement below this. I think I had too much of those already.
Hi again,
Someone from another list asked me to clarify some of the things I said, so thought to post them here as well, just so there is not any misunderstanding. When I said that I can not accept friends or a date with people with psychological issues, I meant more about certain conditions that bring unpredictability. I have had such friends online in the past and don't think I am ready to experience some of the things I did. Of course, not everyone is the same, but the online world can be a complicated place as well. As far as for people with substance addictions, I have had some bad experiences with someone like that, so that is why I have to say what I said. Sorry again if this annoyed anyone.
Hi. If you're looking for someone who has no emotional or psychological baggage of any kind, isn't involved in any drama, and has no negative thoughts at all, then you're looking for perfection and it's pretty doubtful that you'll find such a thing. If you do find someone who seems to fit that description, do a bit of digging and you'll find out some of the stuff that the person is hiding from you. remember that if something sounds too good to be true, it probably is. Every single one of us has some sort of emotional issue or baggage, to one degree or another. As we go through life, it does leave it's scars, as well as it's rewards. If we can't accept someone at their worst, do we really deserve to know them at their best? just my musings. Good luck to you in your search.
Anthony is absolutely correct. Your standards are so high that no one would be able to live up to them, nor should they. And, maybe examine yourself. Do you too, have psychological issues you need to deal with? I'd say expecting perfection from others, only being willing to accept those who are, is an issue of its own that you need to look at.
dawn reflected my thoughts exactly. Life is nothing but give and take, in my opinion. I'm really feel sad of few posts offlate here in this zone. one is about background checking and another one is ...
I'm dam sure there won't be any human without any emosional feelings or emosions.
Raaj
to the original poster, sorry to break it to ya...but I doubt you'll find what you're looking for. aside from incredibly high standards, it sounds like you need to work on yourself before even thinking about bringing someone else into the equation.
I agree.
I guess my problem with the original post is that it totally excludes everyone, since noone is totally perfect, but then the poster has the gall to say that no harsh judgements should be made against her, since she's already had enough of that... Well, join the club.
I totally understand looking for someone with a bit of emotional stability, and since I realize that English is not your first language, I ask you, is that what you mean? I don't want to talk to someone who tells me they want to talk to me, then blocks me, then asks for my help later, either. It makes me wonder about the emotional stability of the person. Your friend one day and too good for you the next. (hint hint) Ok, so even if you do find this perfect dream guy with no baggage, what do you have to offer him? If you have no emotional baggage, no life scars, then you must have been very well sheltered and preserved, and somehow, I don't think this is the case, so please do clarify.
" I would only accept friends that are free of drama, psychological issues and addiction issues." Well whatta ya know, I have no drama, am not addicted to any substances (that I've admitted to myself yet) and to the best of my therapist's knowledge I don't have any psychological issues. So given I apparently meet the criteria (is there an interview?) I guess that makes us friends then. Or not.
On a more serious note, quite apart from the fact that friendship is something that should develop and not happen on the basis of a set of criteria, a part of being friends with someone is being there to support them not just when things are going well, but when they're not. If you accept a friend on the basis they meet your set of carefully set out criteria, what happens when they need help or support, because no issues doesn't necessarily mean there will never be any. Do you walk away from them then?
I cannot imagine not being there to support a friend going through a hard time. I have few what I would call real friends, but those I do have I would move heaven and earth for. Friendship is not conditional; it shouldn't set boundaries and a true friend will not make judgements.
So if you think you are going to make friends with those criteria of yours then you have a lot to learn.
hi i like to stabb myself repeatedly please consider me a friend and also love to munch on dead animals thanks.
"If you find some one that is just like you are looking for, please let me know, so I can find the wrong in them for you. no one is going to be exactley what you are looking for it's our indeviduality that makes us so special to others.
I again have to apologize for all that got offended and annoyed by my post. I tried explaining what I mean by all this, but I have to take this further. I have of course to deal with all kinds of people in my every day life, so I know what all of this involves. I am not perfect either, as no one else is and each person at times feels sad or negative towards something. What I meant by all this is that in the past, I have had some great online drama regarding friendships and I am not ready for any possible drama like this again, so I had to set some bounderies about my online friendships I would make. Each of us has some kind of problems or issues and my close friends would deffenetly understand how I mean all this that I have explained, but for someone that knows little about me, it would be hard to explain this fully without them being offended. I am not sure what else I need to say to explain all this, but to those who are already my friends, thank you for staying my friends in good and in bad and for those that are not, thank you for reading this too.
Lol Joseph. Don't forget you're addicted to the zone, omg that's an addiction!
Because I am one that has spoken to you many many times you already know my views. I have to agree, that the things you set out makes a high bar. You have only stated what you want, but have not offered what you will give. While I understand you have wants holding to them strictly will probably cause you to remain alone. We all have wishes in a mate, but we must start out as suggested here learning about a person not assuming the worse, and making judgements before you start learning about them. Some of your wishes I do understand perfectly, but your post comes off a bit tough, unwielding. Sure, we all have bad experiences with people, but we, if we are going to live and love must allow these to remain that, the past. I personally am not upset by anything you have stated and I don't believe the posters here are either. It is your wishes and that is your choice. Good luck. Smile.
I guess my point being that if you want someone who has no psychological or emotional issues, shouldn't that person also hold you to the same standard? You've had bad experiences, and they've scarred you, but you want someone who has never been scarred by such experiences? If that's the case, it will be quite hard for you to relate to one another. Either way, it really makes no difference to me. I wish you luck, and all the best in your quest.
I know each of us has been scarved in one way or another, but I still think I am misunderstood quite a bit. By psychological conditions, I mean mental conditions that make people behave in a way out of the ordinary. As far as my personality, I think I described some of it in my privious post. I know I can not say it all what it is I can do and can not do for a person, but that is because I can only talk in general terms about that now. Specifically, people would know what kind of a person I am by getting to know me, I guess. I probably shouldn't have posted this at all and I am truly sorry.
Exactly, and you'll know what kind of people are around you by getting to know them, instead of excluding everyone. I do hope I've just misunderstood. When we've been hurt in the past, it's natural to build up a wall, to protect ourselves, but though that wall offers protection, it also can keep us from experiencing some of the good things life has to offer. Unfortunately, the good will have some bad thrown in. A man once cheeted me out of a lot of money, so should I never want to talk to another man again? A woman spread some really nasty untruths about me in real life. Should I disassociate myself with all women? If so, I'm gonna be one lonely guy. Hopefully, you'll see my point.
Dont mess with this one. She isnt worth your time. She is only looking to date jesus christ himself, and as a matter of fact, think she might have some issues or baggage of her own. I once talked to this one, and thought we had become pretty good friends, and even had talked about dating...but you turn every little thing into something huge. For example, I was hiking on a volcano taking pictures of the lava flows. I mentioned that I had slippedand got my leg caught in a deep hole, and apon pulling it out, had cut myself from almost my knee to my ankle. It was just a few scrapes and cuts which did leave a scar. She went on and on and on asking me if I was disabled because of a cut on my leg, would not let it go. We talked about my family history a little, and came to the conclusion that I'm a bad person and have too much baggage because of my family history, which I don't. I was just explaining to answer which you had asked, and that is it. You pretty much put me through the ringer,and I will always be here to post in your thread, because quite frankly, you were an awful friend, and are very quick to judge people that you don't even know, over stupid stuff. You are still a virgin, and quite frankly, probably will always be. You are very naieve and still quite childish. I'm sure i'm not the only one who has experienced your judgemental wrath, and I'm told by many people, including many, many women, that I'm one of the nicest guys that they have ever met, but yet, not nearly goodor perfect enough even for just friendship with youl Be warned guys. You're in for a ride with this one.
Thanks again for the well wishes and comments. A few people wrote me back already and I am happy I got some positive replies there too. Got no messages from Americans, but a few people from Western and Eastern Europe and I am happy for the variety. Smile. , If you ask me about rudeness, this happens a lot on the zone, especially on the voice server, but I won't commentabout this or anything else any more because there is just no point.
I wish the best to all the ones here who posted, incluuding those who told things that were not true about me. Good luck to everyone.
You are spectacularly missing the point.
It is not about offending people, it is about stipulating a list of criteria on which you base your friendships.
Ultimately, we all have our preferences in terms of the kinds of people we will develop friendships with. But rather than setting out a list before talking to someone, most people simply engage with each other and a friendship either develops, or it doesn't – on the basis of the things those people find they have in common.
There are people I wouldn't seek to be friends with, but on the whole one discovers those deal-breaking points as conversation progresses at which point you either move the friendship on or you let it go.
I get your point about not wanting friends with psychological problems, I get you didn't mean issues but what you meant was "I don't want to be friends with someone with a mental illness" which actually makes it worse.
Substitute "I don’t want to be friends with the mentally ill," with "I don't want to be friends with the disabled," is that ok? I don't think so. And at the end of the day, there but for the grace of God go any of us. We any one of us could become severely depressed at any time. We any one of us could suffer a mental breakdown at any time. Mentall illness is not something people choose – in fact mental illness is something most people would definitely not choose.
But tolerance is something we all either choose or not – and is something we can change. And you are clearly not a tolerant person.
This should not be a job spec; if I wanted a job I'd apply for one. And if I were successful in getting the job I would consider my future employer lucky to have me. But if I make friends with someone then I consider myself lucky that they want me in their life. This is the difference; my friendship is not conditional on what my friends can do for me, I am there for my friends unconditionally, if it is a true friendship then often this might be reciprocated, but this is not an expectation one should have.
I think that actually, if you need to resort to taking out adverts to gain friends, you should perhaps question why.
After all, is it that people don't meet your expectations? Or is it actually that they just don't want to be your friend.
Several women on this site have said that she's basically a female version of Lutherk, which sort of amuses me, in a sad way. I didn't ask any of them for details.
Well, what can I say to all these? Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, no matter how positive or negative they are. I have never been able to meet any of you in person, so I can understand to some extend why it is that the tone is more negative than positive. Of course, no one chooses their condition, disability or most things they got no control off, but at the same time, the online world can be very confusing, unpredictable and harsh, so that is why I had to say some of what I said. It is different to deal with some things when you interact and meet the person on a daily basis, but the online world is quite different to that and it brings all kinds of unexpected surprises. I must say that I think very highly of most of the people who replied to this fred, because I have talked to them priviously and know they just try to give constructive criticism, so it is highly appreciated. I just hate it when I am being misunderstood and judged to the point that I am being given negative atributes because at the moment, I am not ready for anything that may bring online drama. I can not talk about what it is that I had given to my online friends in terms of support etc, because they are the ones that know and remember this well, so if they want to mention it, they would certainly write it here. Some of you wrre right when you said that friendship is more about giving than receiving and if some of my friends that I have gained in my country decide to join and post, they would deffenetly tell you more about that, even without me asking not to. In real life, most of my friends have some kind of a disability and one of them is slightly mentally retarded, so I know and understand very well what each of this friendship is all about. But at the same time, I know that she is a person that would do anything for me, withought misusing me or manipulating me in any way ever. I have also had to let some of my offline friendships go for various reasons, but for the most part, most of them that developed in my childhood stayed and would stay there forever.
of course online is different to someone you've met. but surely you have to get to know the people online before you meet them.
I have probably spoken to hundreds of people online in the years I've been on the internet. I wouldn't choose to meet the vast majority of them, in fact in some instances I would go to lengths not to meet some of them.
The only people I would ever meet would be people I clicked with online so you have to apply the same criteria if you expect an online friendship to become a real one.
you sound contridictrory with all your attitudes, in my opinion. even one day you talk to me nice via pqn and by the other day you used to say that you read something about me in the magazines.
Also as far as I've noticed with your friendship or relationship matters, yu said the same. you used to say that xxx is a nice person and you and him are getting along. in another few weeks time, you ask me to introduce some nice guys from where I live. what I can say is, you better make yourself firm with your decisions. if you don't trust online friends/relationships, why do you seek for friends/relationships online and why do you hit or cheat men then?
Raaj
Yes indeed, I hate when I am being cheated, lied to greatly and being manipulated and believe it or not, even those people that seem nice for some time can do it. I am writing this only to make people causious about such matters. As far as you introducing me to someone, you deffenetly know what I mean when I put a smile in the end, and what I mean when I write more seriously. But thanks for the reply anyway.
Hello, personally after reading PT's post I understood what she was trying too say. But I know her as a person & as a friend. I don't think she's looking for perfection in anyone, nore does she view herself as perfect. I can understand & respect anyone who wants to separate them selves from unnecessary dromma & bagage. Unfortunately that is often hard to do because there's a lot of bullshit out there.
Sincerely,
John
Thanks for trying to understand John. You are also one of the psychologists here, right? Haha!
I'm sorry but saying someone is misunderstood when all bar one person seem to see things one way just isn't enough.
If you are going to come across a certain way then that is how people will perceive you. So if that's not how you want to be perceived then you have to take a look at yourself and question just why it is that people seem to think the way they do about you.
Right, thank you.
look, it's not a deliberate criticism. Ultimately if you're looking to make friends online then the way you are perceived is very important. It's not quite the same in rl because you don't have body language to rely on etc, so the words you put out there on the screen are the one view that people have of the person they perceive you to be. And by "you" I am referring to one in general, not you in particular.
I understand you well, From now on I will be more careful and would ask a close friend to read my posts before I post them.
but you shouldn't have to do that.
this isn't about someone needing to vet your posts; if you want to post something then of course you should be able to do that.
Indeed, but I will probably never post here on such topics ever again. I will only post on regular topics, jokes, etc.
getting hurt is a part of life; it's how we handle things that makes the difference.
for instance, should I make the world suffer just cause I was treated like shit/sheltered most of my life? no; I've learned from what I went through, and am determined to live happily.
if you're so fixated on allowing the things said in this post to hurt you, you won't get far in life. it's your choice whether to take what's said here as it's meant...or get offended cause you didn't receive the response you wanted.
Nothing wrong with posting, and I understood you well, but only because we have spoken as friends. I still say the bar is just to high. If you are going to make a statement, and I believe what you have written is the way you feel, then you will get opinions some negative, some positive, but you'll not get total agreement. Don't be afraid to post your feelings, be ready to except some feedback. Maybe it will help and maybe not, but it is just opinion just like you have. Keep looking, their is someone for everone. Smile.